SKIING FOR PARKINSON’S

My wife has been skiing and broke her shoulder and dislocated it too, thus removing her from the slopes on her first day. As a qualified pessimist I told her that ‘I told you so’. She regarded this as unhelpful.

The fact that she can only use one arm (the other is in a sling) is very inconvenient. For example, she claims not to be able to make me a pot of tea; she can’t drive me around; she can’t walk the dog (though this is debated).

It was her idea to force me to go skiing with her, taking the dog for my companion.

The (main) trouble with my wife is that you just can’t argue with her, or you can but she takes no notice. Which I suppose adds up to the same thing. Not that I’m a misogynist, mind you.

So I used the tried and tested method of not saying anything to her, but instead working on (ie bribing) her children who are my step children and asking them to work on their mum by taking pity on a weak and weary Parkinson’s sufferer.

Of course I need to say why I didn’t want to go skiing. Well:

1. It’s cold and wet and my body thermometer is unreliable resulting in hot flushes (which my wife is, of course, an expert on)

2. It’s icy, and thanks to PD, I lack ability to balance

3. It’s expensive and I’ve had to retire in the face of the shaky wobbles

4. The dog hates snow

5. The beer’s rubbish

6. I can’t ski

7. ....that’s all...

Thankfully I was allowed to stay at home. We PD Warriors can be sensitive too.

Meanwhile news from the PD Warrior fitness circuit class is that, to keep our brains engaged, we are encouraged to chant examples from a particular topic such as capital cities, actors, sights worth a detour, football teams, makes of car and so on. Personally I’m looking forward to types of savoury biscuit, Shakespeare’s plays, crisp flavours and so on.

I have also picked up a leaflet on dancing with PD. There’s an interesting thought, given my history of learning salsa and rock n’ roll. Or not learning.

In the pub we talked about indentured labour, the shortage of NHS dentists, Chelsea FC, the royal household, 4x4 vehicles at the school gate, Scottish football, the economy and oil prices, the state pension, skiing injuries, my wife, Bob’s allotment in winter and students in general. No topic was debated as fervently as that of ‘whose round is it?’.