THE DRUGS

I was reluctant to start on drugs till I had to, in case I used up their potency and accelerated my descent into impotency; and then the shakes increased so my work was affected, clients noticed the tremors. I lost weight and got depressed so we, my wife, the docs and me, had to take action. One drug seemed to be the best start point and contains two medicines: levodopa which the body changes into dopamine and benserazide which allows more of the levodopa to get into your brain.

Now I have never been one to read the back of packets, but this one intrigued me – and the notes had a section called Impulse Control Measures – which said you may experience an inability to resist:

· A strong impulse to gamble excessively despite serious personal or family consequences

· Altered or increased sexual interest...for example an increased sexual drive

· Uncontrollable excessive shopping or spending

· Binge eating or compulsive eating

To which most of my friends ask helpfully whether you can have all four at the same time and make a day of it. If so, could they try it too? You can have your Viagra.

Mental problems could include feeling excited, anxious, agitated, aggressive or disoriented (feeling lost). Or like being at a local derby or cup tie, perhaps.

Also you may start believing things that aren’t true, hallucinations (seeing or hearing things not really there), losing contact with reality: feeling sleepy, or falling asleep suddenly.

Indeed a nurse had already asked me if I ever caught glimpses of people out of the corner of an eye or even following me, who disappeared when I turned round, to which the answer was no, but I had certainly been followed by an imaginary dog seeking imaginary biscuits.

That night in the pub we talked about the Cabinet Office, the Civil Service and its hierarchical structure with particular reference to the level at which you got a rug for your office floor. No one was interested in me and my disease.....