About 6 months in to PD I got depressed about my illness, work, finances and so on so I couldn’t sleep. Or get out of bed. Or stop crying into the pillow. I hadn’t felt so low since my first real girlfriend gave me the push in 1968. And just for the record ‘real’ in this context means flesh and blood rather than any alternatives.
Maybe it was something to do with lowered levels of dopamine? Maybe PD fatigue – all those shakes
To ‘cure’ my depression we decided to throw the balls in the air and force me to take on some new challenges: start taking the first drug, see a psychotherapist, go swimming more often, walk the dog more often and further, start French lessons, get a trainer, do Monday night quiz night at the pub, start Tai Chi, go to the pub for codgers’ night with the boys, and say yes to activity when I’d prefer to go to sleep. A mix of exercise for body and brain, a means of getting out and of filling time.
Therapy was part of the package and my GP sent me to their in house psychotherapist who listened to me ruminating about being a complete failure. She was a wonderful listener and in a few short weeks I’d exhausted my collection of moans and groans, and in particular talked about stopping the rumination and self flagellation that was going on. Therapy worked!
Rather than take anti-depressants I opted for a Mindfulness course also recommended by my GP: Mindfulness is all the rage and is claimed to help with long term chronic conditions, low mood, recurrent depression or stress, difficulty in relaxing, sleep difficulties related to anxiety.
It’s based on stress reduction and cognitive therapy, breathing meditation, body awareness: so far so unclear.
More relevantly (and to paraphrase) it means getting out of old bad ways of thinking, becoming more aware of thoughts, feelings and body sensations, getting out of mental ruts and problems of the past. My course, while described as not appropriate to major life crises, seemed to attract other people suffering from depression. The course might help us to a greater sense of wellbeing, improved concentration, relaxation, ability to deal with stress, get deeper and more restful sleep, improved mood, improved relationships. A course is a small price to pay relative to depression.
Mindfulness also taught me to meditate by using the body scan (deep breathing complementing a slow scan of the body from top to toe) and adapting it so I could throw out dull negative thoughts and replace them with cheery, often sleepful thoughts. The body scan is simply deep breathing and thinking from your left toes to your right toes and onwards up your whole body to the crown of your head. By the time I reach my knees I’m dropping off, having forgotten all about my troubled ruminations. Try also closing your eyes on the top of a bus and listening to the sounds around you.
The local NHS rehab unit have also provided therapeutic help: starting with speech therapy, addressing the likelihood of developing a squeaky voice, food particles trapping themselves in my windpipe, gagging on a toothbrush. No big worries for now. Followed by occupational therapy: I cannot wear 501 Levis any more as the buttons are too difficult (try 513s with a zip). Finally physiotherapy which starts tomorrow.
Tonight at the pub we discussed the price of beer, Greek debt and the Euro referendum. No conclusions were drawn.
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